Friday, June 19, 2009

Valley of the Banned Books Pt. 1

Setting: Prison yard

Potter: (leaning over to friend) Did you hear about the new guy?
Mockingbird: Yea, but I think there are rumors flying.
Potter: Like what?
Mockingbird: They say he's a children's book and yet he's twice as racy as us.
Potter: Nonsense. No children's book could be that tough.
Mockingbird: Well, wait till the King gets a hold of him. Then we will see how tough he is.

(the book enters from the west gate)

Potter: Sweet Lord, are you kidding me?
Mockingbird: Well look who it is.
Waldo: Hi, I am new here.
Potter: We don't take kindly to children's books. What are you trying to prove?
Waldo: Ummm...nothing.
Mockingbird: Seriously Waldo, how'd you get in here.
Waldo: (lowers head in shame) Page 13, topless woman chasing dog on the beach.
Potter: (starts laughing) That's it! That's nothing! I got put in here for suggesting that kids slit their wrists to conjure non-Christian gods.
Mockingbird: My book is filled with the N word.
Waldo: Look, I don't want any trouble. It was just an honest mistake.
Potter: You bet your sweet wiccan butt it is. You're going to be toast if you are not up to snuff with the King.
Mockingbird: Oh the King is going to eat him up.
Waldo: The King, who's the the king?

Potter: Only the most hardcore book in the market. He's been in here the longest of us all. He can't make bail nor does any court want to take his case.

Mockingbird: Remember that time, Potter, when that King told that book if he didn't stop doing voodoo magic he would cut his head off and serve it on a platter?
Potter: Yes I do you idiot. That was me.
Mockingbird: What about that time when the King told that one broad to shut her mouth and stop being such a hooch? She cried for months.
Potter: Stop it Mock. You're scaring the noob.

Waldo: What's this King going to do to me?
Potter: It's all about presentation, Wally. Keep your mouth shut and try to look like a children's book. You seem pretty complicated so maybe the boss won't spend that much time with you.
Mockingbird: (nodding) He is quite the strain on the eyes. How the world do you find the right Waldo on that page with all those fake Waldos?
Waldo: Well actually its quite sim...
Potter: Shut yer face! If you give too much away on your first day than you'll sliced and burned.

Catcher: Guyzos, look sharp, the king is coming.

(The books stand in erect attention)
(Waldo is shivering)
Mockingbird: Knock it off will'ya. He can sense fear.

(A door opens ominously, creaking)
(King enters)

Catcher: All rise for King James

To be continued...

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